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Sticker Ball’s New Year’s Resolution

For 2015, I, Sticker Ball, resolve to take better care of myself by dusting more often.

I hate cleaning. I really do. But I’ve found that if I don’t dust regularly, then dust will stick to my stickers and then my stickers stop being sticky. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but just imagine rolling down the street looking sexy, yet modest, in your sticker coverage, and then your stickers start to come loose. And possibly fall off. Your lower half is no longer snug up against you, but is instead flapping in the wind. This gives bystanders the rare chance to see your under-stickers (which is embarrassing), and if the stickers keep unsticking they’ll learn your whole sticker anatomy (which is humiliating). It’s something I have experienced once and would love to never experience again. How do we fix that? By dusting more. Bring it, 2015. I’m ready.